How to meet and have sex with strangers safely

Safe Sex Guide for Casual Sex

This guide has everything you need to know about how to meet and have sex with a stranger safely. It is written by our very own Sarah Vine, who has enjoyed casual sex for several years.

This is Sarah’s story.

The first time I met up with a stranger for sex I was petrified.

We met online through an adult dating site and hit it off right away. He had the same sexual interests as me and I found him extremely attractive. He even took the time to ask me about boundaries, which reassured me that meeting for sex would be safe and hiccup-free.

But that didn’t stop me being petrified. I’d seen movies of people meeting strangers and being bundled into the back of a van, beaten up, or worse, whacked over the head and left for dead in a park (you’ll relate to this if you’ve watched You series 1).

But this isn’t the movies or TV. This is real life. I told myself you only live once.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we met for sex, he satisfied me, I satisfied him, and we went our separate ways. We never met again – and that’s the beauty of online sex dating. You meet for sex, you have sex, and then you say “adios!”.

Meeting for sex with a stranger is primal, and (I’ll admit it) it turns me on.

There’s something so dirty about it.

If you’re thinking about meeting for sex with a stranger, or someone you’ve been chatting to online, I have several tips I would like to share with you to help you do it safely. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve had sex with people I don’t know a few times, from my university days right up to the prime age of 38.

It’s human nature to want sex.

Here’s how to do it safely with someone you meet online:

COVID-19 update

The spread of COVID-19 across the United Kingdom makes meeting for sex difficult. Your health is the most important thing.

The current rules say you can have sex with a sexual partner in your social bubble, but you cannot meet for casual sex with strangers.

This makes meeting for sex very difficult indeed.

However, you can still have a dirty chat and different kinds of fun. We recommend meeting people online, discussing your sexual needs, and taking it from there.

Step 1 – Keep your real life (and the real you) private 

Safe sex tip - Keep your identity private

(The moustache is optional)

You can skip this section if you’re happy with the people you meet for sex knowing your real name – but in my experience, it’s best to keep this private so they don’t look you up and follow you on social media. After all, you’re looking to get laid, not make friends! 

Use an alias and stick to it 

An alias is a false name. This could be anything you like. Use it on your profile and stick with it when you meet. This will help you keep your sex life and your personal life separate.

Prepare a few lies 

Sex dating should be about sex, sex, sex, but people are curious and it is normal for them to ask questions. If you’re really uncomfortable sharing your personal life, then don’t! You can lie about it. You can lie about having no kids, you can lie about your age. It’s up to you.

Never share your address 

This is for obvious reasons. You don’t want someone turning up at your door because you haven’t replied to their messages or something like that. It is always best to meet somewhere mutual and keep your home life private.

Never share where you work 

I once knew someone who was stalked by someone they met online. It was incredibly creepy. The only thing the woman (yes, the man was stalked!) knew was this poor bloke’s place of work. She’d be seen staring up at the office block. So, yeah, keep where you work private. It’s for the best.

Step 2 – Communicate securely and safely

Safe sex tip 2 - Communicate securely

The first stage of meeting up for sex is chatting online. There are some things I wish I knew when I first started, which I will share with you now.

Stick to your dating site’s secure chat 

I really do recommend sticking to your dating site’s secure chat as much as possible. This will keep your chats under lock and key in your account.

Another reason this is the safest way to chat is that you can report abusive messages to the admin. They will then take action to protect you.

Use a burner phone 

Eventually, you will share numbers with someone. When you do, it is a good idea to use a separate phone number.

The reason I say this is because juggling the people you have sex with and your family and friends can get messy with one phone. It can also raise embarrassing questions if people see your messages.

Personally, I use a cheap mobile phone that I only switch on when I am ready to chat with someone. I keep it in a locked drawer in my bedroom, and it stays turned off when it’s not in use. It’s a pay as you go phone, so no contract.

Another benefit is that if things go bad, such as a nuisance person, I can simply snap the SIM card in half and get a new number. Easy. See ya, bye!

Do not share your social media 

You do not want to share your social media profiles with the people you have sex with. Why? For starters because you only want to have sex with them – not become friends! For seconds because you never know what they might comment on.

This is made a lot easier if you use an alias (see the section above). By using an alias, if the person you meet for sex looks you up, they will never find the real you. They’ll draw a big fat blank.

Don’t be afraid to cut ties

You can cut ties with your sex hookup whenever you feel like it – you don’t need an excuse.

If you feel pressured or uncomfortable at any stage, then you can specify that you don’t want to chat with them anymore in the backend of (this is why I recommend using your dating site’s secure chat feature).

Step 3 – Discuss your sexual desires and boundaries

Safe sex tip 3 - Discuss your desires and boundaries

Before you meet and have sex, you will chat with your sex hookup and get to know them in a sexual way. This is your opportunity to discuss your desires and sexual preferences and set boundaries. 

Discuss what you like 

This is your opportunity to talk dirty and discuss your fetishes and sexual interests. Nothing is off the menu with the right person. Discussing what you like will make sure the person you meet up with shares the same interests as you. This will prevent any nasty surprises, and ensure the other person knows that to expect.

Discuss what you don’t like 

On the flip side of the coin, you also need to discuss what you don’t like. This is essential so the other person doesn’t get any ideas into their head. Be open and honest. For example – if you don’t like anal, say so. If you don’t do oral sex, say so. Be direct and honest so your hookup knows what NOT to do.

Establish boundaries

Personally, I hate kissing when I get a sex hookup, so I always make sure the other person knows not to kiss me on the lips (kissing me on my body is fine). If you have similar things you don’t allow, then you should make them known before you meet so they don’t become an issue when you have sex.

If you’re shy, say so 

If you’re shy or lack confidence, it’s OK to say so. The other person might propose going for a drink or something to lighten the mood. Shyness is a normal human emotion. Don’t be afraid to be shy!

Remember – this is a two-way street

Everything we have said applies to the other person too. YES, you should make sure you follow all the tips above, but you should make sure the other person does too. So, ask them what they like, what they don’t like, and if they have any boundaries you need to know. This will help you have GREAT sex.

Step 4 – Take precautions to keep yourself and the sex safe

Safe sex tip 4 - Take precautions

The first time I met a stranger for sex I was petrified. I didn’t know what would happen, or whether we would have sex at all. In the end, my first-time experience was pleasurable, and I do look back on it fondly. I was inexperienced, but I still had a good time. Here’s what I do to stay safe when I meet up for sex with a hookup.

Let someone know where you are going 

If you can, let someone know where you are going.

You don’t have to tell them that you’re meeting up to have sex with someone you don’t know (god forbid). You can simply say you’re off for a drink with a date, or you’re meeting someone for a date.

Here’s a tip – if you’re meeting at a hotel for sex, tell someone you’re meeting at the hotel for a meal instead. Or, find a local pub and say you’re meeting there.

Let someone know when you will be home

This can be impractical because things come up and you might be late home (or, perhaps, you might not go home if the sex is reaaaaaally good). But, you can say to someone that you’re “off out and you won’t be home until X just in case they ‘pop round’ or ‘check-in”.

Bring contraception 

I’m talking about condoms! If you’re having sex with a man (whether you’re a man having sex with a woman, or vice versa, or a man having sex with another man) ALWAYS pack a condom and a spare.

Also, don’t rely on the other person to bring a condom. This could spell disaster.

Don’t judge your hookup

And so, I’ve ended up at perhaps the most important point I can make when hooking up for sex with someone you don’t know – judging people.

It is absolutely essential that you don’t judge people when you meet for sex. You need to understand that everyone is different. Body shaming is not cool and belittling people is not cool. You wouldn’t like it if someone body shamed you. I know that I would be distraught.

Here’s the bottom line – whether it’s penis size or saggy breasts, you should respect the other person and give them the dignity and respect they deserve.

If you do meet up for sex and you don’t find the other person attractive, or they don’t ‘measure up’, then make a polite excuse to leave and get out of there. Or have sex. It’s your choice. Who knows, they might surprise you!

In summary 

It’s a good idea to keep your personal and sex life private by:

  • Using an alias
  • Preparing a few lies
  • Never sharing your address
  • Never sharing your place of work

The safest ways to communicate with people you have sex with are:

  • Your dating site’s secure chat
  • On a burner phone with a PAYG SIM
  • Also – don’t share your social media
  • Double also – don’t be afraid to cut ties

When you discuss having sex, you should cover these topics:

  • What you like
  • What you don’t like
  • Your boundaries
  • And vice versa for the other person

When you do meet up for sex, here’s how to stay safe:

  • Let someone know where you are going
  • Let someone know what time you’ll be home
  • Bring contraception
  • Don’t judge the other person and show them respect

Oh, and one last thing…


Sarah x

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